What would Jesus do?
Our Top Drawer Essentials (e)mailbag offers an endless stream of interesting questions and recently we were asked if there's a church discount. Churches don't pay taxes in Australia, so I initially thought the request was a little rich, but then I thought 'what would Jesus do?'.
I figured Jesus would indeed offer a discount, probably a really good discount too. He'd see the merit of clergy of all denominations, male and female, being able to get some measure of sexual relief without having to 'annoy' their congregations. He'd remind me what happens when urges go unfulfilled and there's so much temptation all around. Jesus would illustrate this by drawing my attention to the incessant stream of news featuring repressed people in positions of religious power abusing their power, and their flock.
Actually, I can picture Jesus becoming an advocate for both masturbation and masturbation devices. Over a beer, I'm sure he'd also tell me how disappointed he's been that so many of the Christian denominations, but not all of them, have marginalised the simple act of self-love when he himself was so liberal on the matter. I'm sure lively conversation would ensue. We'd talk about all the Christian factions and chart them on a sliding scale from 'God says it's ok' to 'play at your peril'. We'd definitely need Wikipedia to adjudicate ... just because he's Jesus doesn't mean he knows everything, particularly when our discussion would inevitably move to talk of religions other than Christianity.
Jesus' favourites? Far be it for us to speak on behalf of Jesus, but I think he'd be most happy to endorse anything which promotes love, including self-love. Like us, he'd see no downside in anything which fosters enhanced intimacy in a loving relationship or the harmless empowerment and gratification of masturbation. Surely he'd also be more than a little proud, the nice not sinful version of pride, that humans are so clever as to create masturbation devices modelled on human anatomy too, as if proof of a perfect design. What's not to love about vibrators, masturbators, dildos, and everything else that Top Drawer Essentials offers for sexual enjoyment?
To the original question, do we have church discounts? Sure. We offer a very ecumenical 10% discount to churches and other places of worship (including synagogues, mosques and temples) and to atheists alike.
On an unrelated note, I'm interested in what the Christian equivalent of an Islamic fatwa is. I'm reasonably confident the answer to that question will appear in the Top Drawer Essentials (e)mail bag very soon!
Want 10% off your next order at Top Drawer Essentials? Just use discount code WhatWouldJesusDo at checkout.
Not yet formally sanctioned by Jesus, Top Drawer Essentials has a great range of toys and masturbation aids to suit men and women. Your hand was good enough for you once, but you're better than that now and you owe it to yourself to enjoy our masturbators for men and a great range of vibrators for the ladies (including rabbit, G-Spot and classic vibrators). We only stock quality products and of course we ship throughout Australia. While you're here, you can also stock up your top drawer with condoms, dams, lubricants, dildos, plugs, cockrings, balls and eggs, and more.
And yes, Top Drawer Essentials can offer suggestions if you like. After all, we are all about safe sex, solo sex, fun sex and better sex.
You can always email us questions: concierge@TopDrawerEssentials.com.au