We got a question the other day about why we don't advertise on Facebook. The fact is that Pope Zuckerberg the 9th and his minions are of the perverse impression that our products contravene the Facebook advertising policies as clearly defined in the 16th century. Apparently, there's a belief that our products are sexual in nature, which couldn't be further from the truth. Take a fresh look at what's in store at Top Drawer Essentials and be the judge for yourself. We're really just a variety store!
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Stim U Dice Game
Sexual harrassment training setStim U Dice Game
Teach your staff what not to do at work with this fun and educational game.
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Four Seasons Black Condoms (53mm)
Guinea pig waterproof sleeping bag with built in tiger protection Four Seasons Black Condoms (53mm)
Your guinea pig will thank you when you take it camping. Protects from the rain and also tigers..
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Adrien Lastic Amuse Butt Plug
Vibrating Wine Bottle Stopper Adrien Lastic Amuse Butt Plug
Say goodbye to sediment in your wine! This amazing invention uses vibration to make sediment and tannins in wine fall to the bottom of the bottle.
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Adrien Lastic Maximum
Amulet of destiny Adrien Lastic Maximum
Deflect projectiles with this tight fitting wrist bracelet. So cool. So hot!
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Neon Nights Glow in the Dark Bullet Vibrator
Politically correct nightlight Neon Nights Glow in the Dark Bullet Vibrator
Now blind, deaf and able bodied people will be able to find their way in the dark with this vibrating nightlight.
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Rebel Dick and Ball Sleeve
BBQ Sausage thermals Rebel Dick and Ball Sleeve
Keep your BBQ sausage warm in winter and prevent it from overheating when it's the middle of summer. Essential for your next family or friends get together or to take leftovers to work.
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Satisfyer Rechargeable Cockring 1
Vibrating Power Ring Satisfyer Rechargeable Cockring 1
Feel the power! Don't you wish you had one as good as this when you were a kid!
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Vedo Eva Mini Rabbit Vibrator
Tonsil loosener Vedo Eva Mini Rabbit Vibrator
Professional speakers aren't the only ones who need to have their tonsils loosened. Vibrates away debris and messy phlem to give you back a voice worthy of an opera performance. The patented design has a special lip safety feature to prevent it from being accidentally swallowed.
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Furry Fantasy Rainbow Tail Butt Plug
Unicorn harpoon Furry Fantasy Rainbow Tail Butt Plug
Specially designed harpoon to rid your home of wayward unicorns. Simply thrust the shiny pointed end into the beast and as it finds a place to die, its friends will be scared off.
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PerfectFit Gripped Male Masturbator
Yakult Stubbie Holder PerfectFit Gripped Male Masturbator
The last thing anyone wants is for their little bottle of yakult to get hot while standing around the barbie.
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Nature Skin Sleeve and Ring
Sausage Stand Nature Skin Sleeve and Ring
An amazing innovation to use three dimensional space to keep your sausages vertical. Saves space on your table and makes them so much easier to just grab and go.
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Adrien Lastic Nyx Vibrator
ET Finger Adrien Lastic Nyx Vibrator
Relive the magic of the classic film with this amazing replica vibrating finger! Phone home!
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Bad Kitty Metal Kegel Balls
Micro bolas Bad Kitty Metal Kegel Balls
Catch your runaway pet with this stylish miniature bolas set just like the gouchos use!
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Sex! Board Game
Sex education set Sex! Board Game
Makes having "the talk" fun and informative. Your kids will stand out from their friends with what they'll learn.
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Precious Metals Ribbed Silver Anal Plug
Sacred Catholic Dagger Precious Metals Ribbed Silver Anal Plug
Sacrifices are nothing short of murder unless you're using this papal sanctioned dagger. Priests watch out!
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Smile Loop Vibrating Cockring
Vibrating Budgie Swing Smile Loop Vibrating Cockring
Your pet budgerigar will love this swing. He'll think it's just greeeeeaaaaaatttttt!
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Satisfyer Multifun 2 Cockring
Star Trek model Klingon spaceship Satisfyer Multifun 2 Cockring
Another amazing use of state of the art vibration which actually simulates a real Klingon spaceship just before it disappears into deep space ... or something.
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Satisfyer Multifun 1 Cockring
Vibrating nostril cleaner Satisfyer Multifun 1 Cockring
Rise above the animals with the ability to clean both nostrils at the same time, without the use of messy tissues.
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M for Men - Amber Beige Male Masturbator
Desktop business card holder M for Men - Amber Beige Male Masturbator
Perfect for your desk, this will present you (and your business cards) in the best possible light. Bring on the promotion!
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Desire Romantic Touch Massage Glove
Rendition play set Desire Romantic Touch Massage Glove
Everyone will want to pretend they are CIA interrogators with this electric shock glove!
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Vedo Bam Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator
Body safe vibrational lipstick Vedo Bam Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator
An amazing innovation in beauty. Uses vibration and No chemicals but it will bring beautiful colour to your lips!
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Vedo Izzy Rechargeable Clitoral Vibrator
Pet mouse chaise Vedo Izzy Rechargeable Clitoral Vibrator
Have the most relaxed rodent in the suburb with this tastefully colourful vibrating chaise lounge. If only they could have a glass of red!
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Furry Fantasy Red Fox Tail Butt Plug
Emergency spare fox tail Furry Fantasy Red Fox Tail Butt Plug
Get prepared for when next you see a tail-less fox on the side of the road. Just insert this replacement tail and the fox ... will have a tail.
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Stim U IHole Prostate Massager
Vibrating Joystick Stim U IHole Prostate Massager
Ask any pilot and they'll tell you that you need to be able to feel the vibration to really appreciate the subtleties of powered flight. The associated app lets you vary the vibration. "This is your captain speaking. We have severe turbulence ahead!".
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Adrien Lastic O Venus Rabbit Vibrator
Inspirational yoga doll Adrien Lastic O Venus Rabbit Vibrator
Be inspired to contort your body as demanded by Yoga aficionados around the world. If the doll can do it, you can do it too!
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Spider Meiki Camel Toe Hands Free Male Masturbator
Spider trap Spider Meiki Camel Toe Hands Free Male Masturbator
No self respecting spider can resist looking inside this trap featuring a patented design. It's even waterproof so you can catch spiders in the shower.
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Vedo Wanda Wand Vibrator
Practice Karaoke microphone Vedo Wanda Wand Vibrator
Kids love karaoke, parents love the quiet...everyone wins!
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Adrien Lastic Couples Secret Vibrator
Hot chip stealer Adrien Lastic Couples Secret Vibrator
Modelled on a thumb and index finger, you'll be able to steal chips like a girlfriend without burning your fingers or getting them all grubby!
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Spider Porn Lucie Bee Male Masturbator
Nose shiner Spider Porn Lucie Bee Male Masturbator
Your days of having a dull nose are over! Everyone knows that women love shiny noses so watch your attractiveness soar as you use this to polish your nose and return that lustrous youthful shine.
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You2Toys Strap On! Dildos Available in Flesh coloured and Black
Duet Pretend Karaoke set You2Toys Strap On! Dildos Available in Flesh coloured and Black
You can't do a duet unless you've both got a microphone! This set has 3, so you a friend and a "guest artist" can all get involved. The set also comes with a special holder so you can dance and not drop your mike!
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Gvibe 2 Rechargeable Vibrator
Vibrating water diviner Gvibe 2 Rechargeable Vibrator
Climate change is upon us, so use this water diviner to help you access Australia's vast artesian water resources!.
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Spareparts Deuce Male Harness
Suntanning abseiling harness Spareparts Deuce Male Harness
Don't let climbing up and down rock faces interfere with the perfect tan.
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Stim U Lady Lover Vibrator
Vibrating truncheon Stim U Lady Lover Vibrator
Settle scores with this vibrating truncheon. Those who would do you harm will think twice!
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Real Valentina Love Doll
Replica sculpture Real Valentina Love Doll
Straight from the Pope's personal vault comes this lifesized replica of the famed David's lesser-known sister, Valentina. Legend has it that these were hand-sculpted by Leonardo himself, and it was only petty sibling rivalry that saw David get all the attention while Valentina herself drifted off into obscurity. Straight to the pool room with this!
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MOD Premium Sex Machine
Anti Aircraft Gun Toy MOD Premium Sex Machine
How else can you re-enact the battle of Britain or attacks on Darwin without your very own (pretend) anti-aircraft gun!
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Stim U Ultimate Sex Machine
Sausage cooker Stim U Ultimate Sex Machine
Sit back and relax while this amazing device moves your sausage over an open flame and back again until cooked to perfection! Hypnotic to watch!.
Yes sir, Top Drawer Essentials is the quintessential variety store. How can it possibly be that we'd considered in breach those silly Facebook policies.
PS... Feel free to share or like us on Facebook (that works even better than advertising!)
PPS ... Some of these product descriptions might be bending the truth a tad.
Want Free Shipping on your next order at Top Drawer Essentials? Just use discount code Variety at checkout.
Of course, Top Drawer Essentials has a great range of toys and masturbation aids to suit men and women. Sure, your hand might have got you this far but you owe it to yourself to enjoy our masturbators for men of all kinds (including hands free options, love dolls and machines) and vibrators for the ladies (battery, rechargeable and mains powered). Actually, we've got Bullet Vibrators, Rabbit Vibrators, Clitoral Vibrators, Wand Vibrators, Egg Vibrators, Classic Vibrators and G-Spot Vibrators. We only stock quality products and of course we ship throughout Australia. While you're here, you can also stock up your top drawer with condoms, dams, lubricants, dildos, plugs, cockrings, balls and eggs, and more. We've even got a referral program so you can help your friends find that essential for their top drawer.
And Yes, Top Drawer Essentials can offer suggestions if you like. After all, we are all about variety safe sex, solo sex, fun sex and better sex.
You can always email us questions: concierge@TopDrawerEssentials.com.au
