Essentials from the Top Drawer - blog

  • Mum would be proud!

    It's Mother's day!  Give her some flowers, sure, but take some time to also reflect on her wisdom.  When she said "You don't need a man or woman to be happy" just proves that she wants you to masturbate.  Mums know best!
  • What would Jesus do?

    Our Top Drawer Essentials (e)mailbag offers an endless stream of interesting questions and recently we were asked if there's a church discount.  Churches don't pay taxes in Australia, so I initially thought the request was a little rich, but then I thought 'what would Jesus do?'. 
  • A celebration of anatomy!

    Our mailbox recently included some animated discussion suggesting male masturbation aids (sleeves, strokers, masturbators, love dolls etc) don't foster promote healthy attitudes.  Far from it, just because men are rising above apes to use something other than their hands doesn't mean they are being disrespectful of women or that the devices themselves are disrespectful.
  • Women get it, guys can too!

    There's so much acceptance of toys and tools for sexual fulfillment nowadays that, statistically speaking, your top drawer probably has one or two just like everyone else. However, when people think of 'sex-aids' or 'adult toys' (or whatever else you want to call them), most people think of vibrators or perhaps dildos ... which most people will think as being for the ladies. I think any mindset that toys are primarily for women doesn't help men at all, and it's time guys got with the program.
  • Bring it on.

    Amid the lunacy, toilet paper memes and fighting in aisles of the supermarket for the last packet of cheezels in the state, it looks increasingly like we're going to end up locked in our homes.  Sure, if it drags on we'll be reduced to eating each other under the smoky haze of what was once a thriving economy and civilization, but until that time comes I think we all need to embrace it for the opportunity it is.  Bring it on...
  • Why not masturbate?

    I was in a supermarket the other day when I witnessed a pre-school age child delve into their underpants for a bit of a play.  Mum was underwhelmed and immediately told the kid to stop, to which the kid asked 'why?'.  I was with the kid ... I wanted to hear Mum's explanation too, but I only got the quintessentially parental 'because!'.  It's no wonder we grow up thinking masturbation is a bad thing.
  • The Variety Store

    We got a question the other day about why we don't advertise on Facebook. The fact is that Pope Zuckerberg the 9th and his minions are of the perverse impression that our products contravene the Facebook advertising policies as clearly defined in the 16th century.  Apparently there's a belief that our products are sexual in nature, which couldn't be further from the truth.  Take a fresh look at what's in store at Top Drawer Essentials and be the judge for yourself.  We're really just a variety store!
  • Enough with the flowers and chocolates!

    The dust has now settled on Valentine's day, that beautiful day to celebrate romance and love... and it was more than likely amongst the most stressful times of the year.  For those who embraced it (and let's be honest that many shunned it as a poorly veiled push for consumerism), it's one of the 365 days in the year where you were liable to be scrutinised in your relationship.  If you didn't buy into Valentine's day, the reality is that you were still going to be scrutinised... particularly if your partner wasn't really totally on board with the idea of ignoring it as just another day.
  • Wrapped in bacon

    I know... your fingers or hands are fine.  They've worked wonders until now, from those clumsy first moments of self-discovery to the times when you made it part of your routine, because you felt like it or because you felt you needed to.  Then Top Drawer Essentials plants that seed of doubt in your mind that perhaps your hand isn't perfect. To illustrate my point, I feel this overwhelming need to talk about bacon and the principle that bacon makes everything better.

  • Don't forget Kevin!

    Some friends recently had a spate of holidays. Poor pets, sure, but things weren't all peachy amid their travel both around Australia and overseas. They didn't get mugged, lose luggage, hijacked or get Bali belly... but they did forget their vibrator, the one nicknamed 'Kevin'.  It mightn't sound like that big a deal, an undeniably first world problem, but it did interfere with their holiday. Whether 'Kevin' was an expectation for partner play or solo time is largely irrelevant. The fact is that he wasn't where he was needed or wanted. The bastard.
  • Creation appreciation

    We don't get a lot of hate-mail, but we do sometimes get interesting suggestions from religious zealots of a variety of faiths.  It's OK ... we're not liable to be on the receiving end of a fatwa, but our pro-masturbation stance is not 100% popular with all religions.  Of course, some religions get it, but not all. Many religions are instead content to deride masturbation as evil or contrary to some ancient teachings. It's inspired me to put a fresh slant on masturbation with an emphasis on appreciation and I hope that the church will follow suit.

  • For Boys and Girls?

    We had a question recently about the target ages for some of our products.  In particular, a few products created a bit of a stir because they apparently look to be for kids. As to whether those vibrators, or any of the other toys we stock, are for girls and boys, the answer is no.  And yes.  No, they aren't for little children, but the reality is that they are potentially for pre-adult teens.  Let's not kid ourselves that masturbation starts magically at the age of 18.